SPIN(E)
The way that I have lived
is a testament
to depravity
dereliction
degradation
disintegration
Running on auto-pilot
since 2001
a spaced out odyssey
A letter from hell,
Shows a kid
who is raw
numb
shaky
scared
broken
You can only destroy from
within
and if I still breathe in the
morning
you will not get me
Tell this to your fucking god,
I turn my back and walk away
from you
from the pipes
and the powders
from the tools of the trade
and the miserable misanthropy
dying slowly on the sidewalk
akin to my idols
Edgar and River
broken and hopeless
living in a gutter
chemicals capitulate
everything I thought I wasn't
On top of my pain I have lain
fresh hope and fresh life
I didn't think
that we never had to coexist
I evicted you…too late
and you had that rent money
Let me rest
No more rest
I can't
fucking sleep
that withdrawal ache in my legs
brain, hips
arms and chest. My blood is racing full
of the reaper's piss
its dripping from my nostrils
and staining my sink
and I lose track of
my breath
then a day,
and a week
‘till I come to
There is never a vigilant eye
that is sharp enough
to define the lines that lie
inside your eye
And coming full circle takes time
unless the spiral starts
circling until my dizzy brain spins
our spines together in cornrows
spinning them together into
a double helix full of life and expiration
Now I have a two way radio to gods
Who live inside Aurora Borealis
When my eyes slide open,
The pieces fall together
and the world is remade
Today,
I have the choice to
have the choice among choices
death, addiction
life recovered
can any mother-fucker
say which way
my soul will spin?
Ben McGinnis is a senior English major at Cabrini University concentrating in Film and Media Studies. He's a nocturnal, film-obsessed gentleman feminist who has seen well over a thousand films.
