halfway point (2019-2020)

 

Who do you like?

I don't know.
Her lips are red and sweet like candy,
And her hair, like fire, is piled on top of her head
With red tendrils spilling out and down her back.
She's beautiful.
His eyes shine like whiskey in a shot glass,
But you can barely see them through his rose-tinted glasses,
Or behind the megawatt smile he wears.
He's beautiful.

 

How can you be so greedy?

I don't know.
Is it greedy to want?
Is it greedy to want to smell her perfume on my sheets,
Or to want to hear his voice every morning?
Is it greedy to love as much as I do?

 

Is it just a phase?

I don't know.
Maybe one day I'll prefer her,
The way she glides and her hips swing,
The dresses she wears and the heels that click against the floor.
Maybe one day I'll prefer him,
The way he strides down the empty corridor,
The bomber jacket strewn over his shoulders and the glory of his curly hair.

 

What do you want?
I don't know.
I want to hold her in my arms,
To have her lipstick stain my mouth and fingertips,
To feel the soft caress of her hands in mine.
I want to be held in his arms,
To listen to the bombastic blossom of his laughter,
To let my palms trail over the sharp edges of his jawline.
I want love, in whichever form it takes;
Is that too much to ask?

Are you confused?
I don't know.
I know how she makes me feel,
My heart twisting in endless delight,
The beat in my ears the same speed as the wings of a hummingbird.
I know how he makes me feel,
My mind woozy with softness and sweetness,
The weight in my stomach alerting me to the sight of him.
Is that confusing?

Are you gay?

 

I don't know.

Are you gay?

I don't know.

 

What are you?

 

I don't know.
Is there anything else I can be?