BARISTA TRUTHFULLY ANSWERS YOUR STUPID STARBUCKS QUESTIONS
Is the secret menu real?
Go away.
What don't you get about a venti, nonfat, 160°, no foam, eight pumps of mocha,
mocha latte with six shots of espresso, extra whip cream, and mocha drizzle on top?
Repeat that, please.
How can coffee be that expensive?
Because you ordered a venti, nonfat, 160°, no foam, eight pumps of mocha, mocha latte with
six shots of espresso, extra whip cream, and extra mocha drizzle on top.
I thought I was going to get the Valencia Orange Refresher,
but now I don't know what I want. What do you recommend?
I recommend that you get out of the line.
What's your favorite drink?
I hate coffee so…
Is it hard to work at Starbucks?
Is it hard to be annoying all the time?
Can I have a cotton candy frappucino?
You're like, twelve.
Can I have the Ariana Grande?
I'd have one less problem without you.
Could I have a regular coffee please?
I get it. You don't always order from Startbucks, but when you do,
you reject the ordering etiquette and ask for a regular coffee.
Could you go any slower?
Could you be anymore of an asshole?
Can you write my name on the cup?
I mean I'm contractually obligated to so I guess, Gessika.
This doesn't taste right. Can you remake it?
I don't want to so can you just leave?
What's the Green Tea frappucino with soy milk like?
Hipsta, please.
When will the Pumpkin Spice Latte come back?
You are a #BasicBitch.
Could you fix the lighting in here so I can get the perfect pic of my drink?
Let me guess, you wear Uggs and yoga pants all the time and you can't even.
Can I get an upside down caramel macchiato?
So, a caramel latte?
Can I get an Oprah Chai?
You get a Chai. You get a Chai. Everybody gets a Chai!
Is it frappy hour?
More like crappy hour.
Can I–
Sorry, shift's over.
Lindsey Piller is a junior at Cabrini University. She is a Graphic Design and English double major, who enjoys "Teen Wolf", digital color theory, and asking the hard hitting questions nobody dares to ask like, where are all the Sour Patch parents.
